1 Kings 1:6
“And his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so? and he also was a very goodly man; and his mother bare him after Absalom.’
My mother was the type of parent who was not afraid to give me direction in life. When I would date a young lady, my mother would tell me what she thought of the young lady and if she thought this young lady was the one that I needed. Incidentally, my wife was the only young lady that she thought was the right one for me. It wasn’t that any of the other young ladies that I dated were bad, it was just that my mom knew what I needed, and she was not afraid to give me her direction in this area.
In the verse above, David made the mistake of not giving clear direction as to who he thought should become the next king after he died. One of the reasons that Adonijah thought that he could set himself up as king is because David “had not displeased him at any time.” It wasn’t until the preacher came and got David to make it clear that Solomon should be the next king that he finally gave clear direction to Adonijah, his family, and his kingdom. I believe if David had given clear direction from the beginning, Adonijah would not have lost his life prematurely.
If you are a parent, you must realize that God gave you the children you have for a reason. It is your responsibility to give clear direction to your children about what they should be doing in life. It is not that you have to preach at them all the time, but your children need direction as to what they should be doing in life. Many children are like Adonijah who make tragic decisions because their parent never displeases them at any time. Too many parents want to be the friend of their children when they are supposed to be their parent. My friend, I know you may not believe this, but your children want your direction in life. One reason they ask you if they should do something is because they are asking for direction. Let me give you a couple of thoughts that will help you in this area.
First, be clear in your direction. Just like you can’t read your children’s minds, they also cannot read your mind. Many parents speak in code when they need to speak in clarity. The clearer you are in your direction to your children, the better chance you have in your children turning out right for God. You cannot expect your children to know what to do if you are unwilling to be a parent who gives direction.
Second, don’t worry about your child’s feelings when you give direction. You are dealing with your child’s future, and it is better to hurt their feelings by giving them the right direction than it is not to hurt their feelings and destroy their future. Your child’s friends, who they date, and which college they attend will determine what your child becomes. It is wise that you are clear in these areas with your direction, even if it means they get upset with you about it.
Third, never stop giving direction. When your children become adults, they still need direction. Now, I don’t believe it is wise to preach at your children or to meddle in their life, but I do believe it is wise that you wisely give some direction in conversation so they have clarity as to what they should do. Don’t pound them with the direction, but give it and move on. Always remember that you could be saving the future of your children and grandchildren by giving direction. All children need direction, and not to give direction will point them to the wrong paths.