Song of Solomon 2:2
“As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.”
In the verse above, the bride makes a great statement that shows why the love in this marriage was so great. She said that her husband was “as the lily among thorns.” In other words, she didn’t choose to look at the thorns; rather, she chose to see the beauty in the life of her husband. In fact, there were more thorns than lilies. According to the verse above, there was one lily, but many thorns. “Thorns” is in the plural which means there were many thorns. “Lily” is in the singular which means there was only one lily. This lady’s perspective of her husband is what kept her ravished with him.
Too many marriages are destroyed because of the focus on the negative instead of the good that brought them together. Whenever a couple goes to counseling, the counselor is always trying to get the couple to stop looking at the negatives in their spouse and to start appreciating the positives their spouse possesses. Let me share with you three observations about this verse that will help to strengthen your marriage.
First, every person has thorns. The verse above didn’t just say that the spouse was a lily, but it says that they were a “lily among thorns.” The acknowledgment that the spouse had thorns is seen in this verse. There is no doubt that your spouse has negatives, but let me remind you that they had those negatives when you were drawn to them before you got married. Your spouse didn’t suddenly acquire the thorns that you see in them, but the thorns were there when you started dating them. Your infatuation and love for your spouse are what caused you to overlook their thorns.
Second, what you see is what you get. In other words, what you choose to focus upon in your spouse is what determines the joy in your marriage. If you choose to focus on the thorns of your spouse, you will constantly be pricked by the thorn in your spouse. One reason marriages struggle is because the thorns are all one spouse can see. I am not arguing with you that your spouse doesn’t have thorns, but what I am trying to get you to focus on is the strengths and beauty of your spouse. If you focus on the good qualities of your spouse, you will find the thorns will not be an issue. It is only on what you choose to focus that determines the pleasure you will get from your spouse. If you choose to focus on their thorns, you will not enjoy being with them; however, if you choose to focus on their good qualities, you will cherish the time you have with your spouse.
Third, your love for your spouse is what will help you to see the beauty and not the thorns in your spouse. The verse above says, “…so is my love among the daughters.” It was the love this lady had for her husband that helped her to overlook his weaknesses. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” Proverbs 10:12 says, “…love covereth all sins.” You will always see the strengths and not the weaknesses of your spouse if you look through the spectacles of your love for them.
Let me ask you, what do you see in your spouse? My friend, you are sure to see the thorns in them if that is what you are looking for, but the joy of your marriage will only be enjoyed if you choose to dwell on their strengths.