Song of Solomon 4:3
“Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate within thy locks.”
One of the biggest contributors to familial problems are the words that people speak to each other. When I am dealing with couples who are having problems in their marriage, one of the first things I have to try to correct is how they speak to each other. It is easy to become casual in how we speak with our family members, and certainly, it is warranted because they are family, but just because someone is family doesn’t mean that you can say whatever you want to say and it not damage your relationship with them.
Do you remember when you started dating the person to whom you are married? When you dated that person, you were not crude in speech, accusative towards them, or belligerent when you talked to them; rather, you were very kind, courteous, and very careful about the words you used as you spent time with them. Time together is what has broken down your relationship because of the way you talk towards each other. If you are going to keep a sweet and enjoyable relationship with those you love, you will have to watch the words you speak and the way you converse with those in your family.
The verse above gives the answer to keeping your familial relationship conversations right. This verse says, “…thy speech is comely…” In other words, this couple was very careful with their words towards each other. It is no wonder that the couple in this book are so sweet in their conversations with each other. Speaking “comely” words with each other will be a great contributor to keeping the honeymoon in the relationship. Let me share a couple of thoughts about using comely words in your familial relationships.
First, don’t let familiarity break down the walls of respect. Sadly, the more familiar we become with people, and especially family members, the more we think we say what we want. Crude words, belittling words, and demeaning words towards family members is simply showing how little respect you have towards them. The more you respect those in your family, the more you will be careful with the words you speak towards them. By the way, you choose to respect your family members. Don’t blame them for your lack of respect with the words that you say towards them.
Second, be graceful in disagreements. The word “comely” means proper and graceful. Just because you disagree with a family member doesn’t mean you have a right to swear or say angry words towards them. You can still be respectful with the words you say to a family member when you are having a conversation over a disagreement. Having a discussion with a family member over a disagreement doesn’t give you a right to not to use graceful words as you take to them. In fact, you could resolve your disagreement in a much better way if you respected them with graceful words.
Third, be complimentary. Having “comely” words towards your family also means that you compliment them. Just because you are familiar with a family member doesn’t mean you should stop being complimentary towards them. Using kinds words that will build and encourage them is one of the greatest ways to keep a sweet relationship. Don’t let the anger of society creep into your familial speech; rather, let the love of Christ influence the words you say towards family.