I’ve Lived 641 Days

by: Julie Dominguez

My husband and I have been through many things that most will never experience. I’ve stood by my sweet Daughter’s bedside and held her hands, stroked her beautiful face and hair for hours waiting for the morning to come so we could go home and everything be back to normal. I watched my sweet Meagan gasp for air and collapse. I heard the most awful, terrifying words,”Starting compressions.” I saw them trying to revive my precious daughter’s lifeless body. I’ve spent hours in a waiting room with my husband crying and begging God to save my Meagan, to hear our cry, to have mercy and allow her to stay. We had no chance or time to text or post prayer requests to ask our friends all over the country to beg God with us. It was just me and my husband.

I stared at a doctor as he told us there was nothing more they could do, and had to give them permission to stop trying to bring my Meagan back to life. I walked down a long hallway to a closed curtain room and as we got closer, I caught a glimpse of her covered feet through the curtain and realized then, she wasn’t moving. I walked through that curtain and cried and apologized to my sweet girl for not doing more.

I did leave the hospital the next morning, but not with my Meagan. I sat with my husband that morning as we told our Nathan and Lauren that their sister went to Heaven. We picked out a casket, flowers, memory marker,  and music, for her funeral. I kissed my Meagan’s sweet head and stroked her hair one more time and watched as they closed the casket knowing it would be my last time to see her here on this Earth. I walked down a long path with our sweet family to Meagan’s graveside, and watched them lower her in the ground. I have lived 641 days without my sweet Meagan.

God is proven in your life when a tragedy like this comes. It’s easy to say God is good when you have your whole family, and when things are going well. It’s easy to praise Him when He answers a prayer with the outcome for which you asked. It’s easy to say, “God is a God of miracles” when the miracle comes for you. It’s easy to have faith when it hasn’t been tested.

Our faith has been tested. God didn’t answer our hearts cry and prayer with the outcome for which we begged. He didn’t come in and save her life. He didn’t perform the miracle we wanted. Yet, in these passed 21 months, God has never been more sweet, faithful and real to me!

I have felt a love like never before. I have had the sweetest of fellowship with my Jesus. He has proven Himself faithful over, and over, and over again. He has never failed me! God is good!

He is sweeter and more real today than ever before. I run to Him, and He is there waiting with open arms and daily loadeth me with abundant grace and loving mercy. He gives strength in my weakness.

I hold tighter to Jesus today than I ever have in my life. He gives me hope, an eternal hope! He is my anchor for my soul, for without him I would surely drift away. He is there holding on to me. He has never let go, has not once loosened His grip; He is a strong and mighty God!

I’ve just decided to hold on, to let Him lead me and guide me in the path He has chosen. For it is on this path I will find everything I need, for every moment of every day. I’m so thankful for my Saviour. He is so faithful!

Hebrews 10:23 says, ”…for He is faithful that promised…”

Hebrews 6:19 reminds us, ”Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul…”

I love you my sweet Meagan. I miss you more everyday. I’m so thankful you are safe with Jesus and that He is always with me!

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