by: Sandy Domelle
How often do we see pictures of an older couple walking hand in hand down the road or sitting snuggled together on a park bench and just have to smile? Or, have you seen some of the sweetest older couples sitting so happy together in church? In our minds, when we see couples like this, we are thinking we also want to grow old with our husband. I see warmth, security and love in these older couples. That’s what part of a marriage is about.
My husband’s grandparents were married for over 70 years when his grandmother passed away. When you hear how many years the older generations stayed married, it gives us hope that even in a day and age where we hear of a high divorce rate, people who have been married 3 or more times, or people who only want to live together and not marry, that we CAN have a long and successful marriage.
I desire deeply to have a close relationship with my husband and to grow old with him. Because I desire this, I am more apt to do all I can to make it successful. Does it mean that we won’t have times when we disagree on a topic or situation. No, we are human! But, in my Bible reading this year I’ve focused on Scripture that helps to keep me going as a wife. Let me share a few thoughts on which I’ve been thinking.
1. If your relationship with the Lord isn’t strong, your marriage won’t be as strong as it can be.
The key to every relationship is having a strong relationship with the Lord. Psalm 127:1 says, “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.” God should be the foundation upon which every relationship is built. This is why it’s important to have a daily time when you read your Bible and pray. When you’re right with God, you will be right with your spouse.
2. I work daily on being the submissive wife I am commanded to be.
Ephesians 5:22 says, ‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” The world wants to make submission a bigger issue than what it should be. If I live my life desiring to be what God created me to be, I will want to please my husband. In pleasing my husband I will be submissive and it won’t be a huge issue. In fact, you really won’t even think about it. God placed my husband as the head of the home, and I am very willing to follow. Why can I say that? Because I have purposely decided I will submit myself to the Lord and my husband. When we make huge decisions in our home, we talk about them together, but I always leave that final decision to my husband. In doing so, I am submitting and following the role in the home that I should have. I’ve seen too many working women who feel that since they bring home the money that they should have control of what goes on in the home and how the money is spent. I’ve also seen where they knock the submission role, yet they are more than willing to submit to their authorities at work.
3. I strive to keep my focus on daily meeting my hubby’s needs.
Genesis 2:18 says, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” God created Eve to be a help meet. My purpose as a wife is to help my husband. He may need clean clothes, a clean house, his bed made, etc. Those are things that I feel are my job in helping to care for my husband. They make him happy, and in return it makes me happy that I am helping him. I talked to a lady who told me I needed a real job, a career job, because I was nothing more than a glorified maid. That may be how she looks at it, and I know I wasn’t about to change her mind, but I know that God made me for the specific purpose of being a help meet. It doesn’t matter what the world may think, it matters to me that I am serving the Lord by doing what He made me to do, and in return I have a very happy hubby! That’s my goal!
4. Spend time together.
When your husband is home, be home for him. Don’t be out with your friends because you were trapped at home all day or had to work and are stressed out. My most favorite person to spend time with is my husband. When he is home we will run errands together, work on things for the Lord’s work together, work on the yard together and so much more. I enjoy spending time with him.
5. Have fun together.
No matter how many years you’ve been married, date times should be often and fun. I enjoy hearing my husband laugh, and I enjoy having fun with him. Having fun doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of money. You can do so many things that don’t require spending a dime, and yet the memories you make are lasting ones. I can’t tell you how many times my parents talk about how they’d live for the weekends when they were first married when they would go to the creek to go fishing. My dad has the funniest stories that keep my mom and the rest of us laughing to this day.
6. Be as close as you can be to each other.
By this I mean, some women feel so close to a specific friend that they have to call them about everything, tell them about everything and can’t wait to always go do something with them. There is no person in my life that I want to be with more than my husband, for he is my best friend. I love being with him. He is the first one I want to call when I’m excited about something.
7. Be a good listener.
I listen for things that I feel will make my husband happy. It may be the little things of sewing the button back on his shirt that just popped off, but it can also be knowing he’s had a long busy week and knowing that if I can accomplish a few extra things for him, he will have more time to spend with us as a family. If he knows he has to mow the lawn when he gets home, that is something very simple that I can do for him so that he doesn’t need to do it when he gets home. If you would learn to listen to your husband, you would find that he will unintentionally mention things you can do to make him happy.
8. Pray for your husband.
I have a list of general things I pray for my husband, but I have some specific things for which I also pray. Nothing knits two hearts together like prayer. I know he prays for me daily, and if I know I’m praying for him, then I know God has the ability to hear us and keep our marriage strong. I pray for many things for him; his relationship with the Lord, his leadership, wisdom, his role as a husband and father, his preaching, his travels, his health, protection from Satan, our marriage and so much more.
All of these things are ways that I will grow old together with my husband. I work at things on a daily basis to keep myself in check. It can be the little things that tear a marriage apart. I pray earnestly for the Lord to help me always be aware of Satan’s attack against our marriage. I want our children and grandchildren to have the chance to have a strong Christian marriage!