James 3:8
But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
The tongue is one of the great game-changers of life. You can say one thing you should not say one time, and it can follow you for the rest of your life. It does not matter how many good things you have said; people often remember the wrong things we said more often than they will remember the plethora of good that we have said.
God says the tongue cannot be tamed. In every person is the ability for their tongue to say something foolish that can cause irreparable harm. When you are dealing with something so powerful, you must put something on it to control it. For instance, a horse can be trained, but a trained horse can get out of control if you don't put a bit in its mouth to control that powerful animal. A ship on the sea cannot be controlled without a rudder and a helm to control that rudder. However, we cannot put a bit in our mouth to keep it under control. In a moment, we can say something we should have never said, which can do great damage to our testimony and life. Character and principle are the bit to the tongue to keep its power under control. Let me share several principles you should establish with your tongue that, with character, you can keep the power of your tongue under control.
First, think while you talk. I know this may sound trivial, but most people do not think while they talk, they just talk. When I am preaching, I don't just say things just to say them. There have been many times over the decades of preaching that I stopped myself from saying something because it would not have helped what I was preaching about, and it would have hurt the purpose of the sermon. God gave you a brain to use, and it should be used the most to think about what you are saying while you are talking. If you truly thought while you talk, you would find there are many things that you could say that would not be said.
Second, don't talk in the passion of anger. Anger in itself is not bad as long as you planned to get angry. For instance, planned anger means that you plan what to say while you are angry; however, unplanned anger often spurs you to say things you can never take back. When unplanned anger happens, I have learned to stay silent so that I don't say something I will regret later. Many relationships have been damaged greatly with words spoken during unplanned anger. If you train yourself to stop talking when you are angry, you will keep yourself from much hurt to yourself and to others.
Third, wait before you talk. This is a great key to controlling the tongue. When I am in a tense situation, I have learned to be silent for a few seconds before I actually say something. I have learned that simply being silent as I count in my head for a planned set amount of seconds has allowed me to control my tongue and to be able to say what I should say on purpose.
Fourth, yield your tongue to the Holy Spirit regularly throughout the day. It would be good if you asked the Holy Spirit to control your tongue. Before I answer questions, I often ask the Holy Spirit to control my thoughts and my tongue. It does not matter if it is a tense situation or a relaxed situation; yielding your tongue to the Holy Spirit will allow you to say words that are needed for that situation. The Holy Spirit can tame your tongue if you will allow Him to be in control of it.
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